Back to school

I cant believe that after more than 19 years, I am actually back to campus. First day of school was more of an ice breaker. we got to introduce our selves. There is a vice president of an organisation from China, directors from various law enforcement agencies in Spore and from Hong Kong and 1 from Botswana who is yet to appear. The NUS campus for this program is actually the old NUS campus at Bukit Timah and not far away from my old college NJC. The building looks colonial but the facilities are fantastic. First day lesson was more of an interactive lesson on globalisation and the financial crisis.  At night as part of the team bonding session, we were brought to a restaurant called Coriander Leaf where we actually had to cook our own food and we would be given prizes for the best prepared food. We were divided into teams and I was in Team 5.  Our team was asked to prepare a fusion peking duck. I had to prepare the sweet and sour onion chutney as the sauce. Kiasu as I was, we actually won 1st prize and we took away the grand prize, a food grater and a set of measuring cups for each of the team member.  I have to say, the restaurant has a fantastic concept. We got to cook and eat our own food. The owner, Sania Ahad is beautiful and hilarious. She and her staff made cooking so fun and enjoyable. At the end the various array of gourmet that we prepared didn't come to waste as we were very hungry.  For one night I became a culinary expert...

The unsung heroes

Tonite's entry on my blog is dedicated to all the unsung heroes at our Intensive Care Unit especially for my school friend of the yesteryears saiful 'karau'. Well, Saiful or si karau as we fondly called him likes to don a short spikey hair and that's where he got his nickname from. You wont actually miss him as he looks exactly like a GI Joe who just got out of a military boot camp. I have known him since we were kids in Singapore. He was actually a year my senior at boarding for Brunei students in Singapore which we called AKBS (Asrama Kerajaan Brunei di Singapura). This was the hostel where at the tender age of 11 I first started to get my first taste of a foreign land. Si karau like many of us had always been good at sports. He took up football, sepak takraw and badminton. He excelled in all of them. I on the other hand was the reluctant sportman. I wouldnt say I was good in sports. But I actually owed it to him. He with the other seniors would drag us juniors to play the games or sports they got us to play. Si Karau was never a bully but because he was so damned good in the sports, we became so determined to outdo him. So he became our iconic mentor of sort.
When mum was admitted at the ICU, he was one of the first person I saw. I had not seen him in ages but I immidiately recognised him by his short spikey hair. Saiful like many male and female nurses there are the frontline staff at the ICU. In fact he is more than just a nurse. He is a qualified APN (I think it means Assistant Practitioner Nurse). If the doctor were a captain of an airplane, he would be like his first officer. Thats how important he is. These are the real heroes as they work tirelessly to keep everyone's hopes for their loved ones like ours alive. Today, si karau called to inform me that my mum was taken off the artificial respiratory.she could now breathe on her own and she was so 'nyanyah' so I was told. That is my mum alright! And now whilst I am waiting to see my mum, I can see these unsung heroes at work. There are oblivious of the countless hopes that have been kept alive by their true dedication and love in their everyday work. Tonite I celebrate you my friend. Thank you karau and the rest of your crew. May Allah bless all of you for all of your good deeds. Amin

Via nokia e90

I am still at ICU. I managed to see babu and she is conscious. The nurse told me that she is now able to breathe on her own. This is really good news. But she is visibly in pain. I told her not to get excited as she is still weak. I could see tears falling down her weak eyes and she was wailing in pain. She asked me for a peice of paper and she wrote this 'bapa, ampun dosa ku'. I know she wanted to see my dad. I told her, dad is now on dialysis in rimba. I know she misses my dad.

Supermum part 2

Our super mum is responding well to medications. She is still on artifical respiratory but the good news is her bp is way better than before. She passed out her urine today so that means her kidneys are still functioning. Alhamdullilah.
This is just a pic I took with my Nokia E90 outside the ICU.

Strongest mum in the world

I am now at the ICU at our RIPAS Hospital. My mum is now fighting for her life. She has been suffering from a lot of medical conditions for as long as I know. She was diagnosed as having stomach cancer last year and the doctors managed to remove it and she recovered well. She is also a diabetic and suffering from high blood pressure. Earlier this year she was also diagnosed as having a heart condition. My mum is also on medication for her bi-polar condition. Earlier in the evening, she simply collasped and lost her blood pressure. The doctors were simply puzzled why it happened. Luckily she was already being warded when this happened. She was brought to the a&e with no pulse. Her blood pressure went down to 30. At the unit, the doctors and nurses tried to revive her. They broke the news to us that her chances were very very slim. I didnt want to lose hope. I know my mum is the strongest person on this earth. She gave birth to all 9 of us. She went through several operations in her life. I know she will pull through. I know she will not give up. At the a&e she was basically motionless. The doctor informed me that I had to brace for the worst. I whispered to my mum's ear to be strong. I recited the shahada. I know she heard me. She was brought up to the ICU. I was with her through out. At the ICU, they managed to get her bp to 100. She responded to our voices. Alhamdulillah. I was very relieved. Now her condition is still very critical but she is responding to medications. I know she is a very strong woman. That is my mum.

The loneliest job

When I have migraine, I know its time to stop thinking and simply switch off and hit to the land of Nod. I've just had a few assignments completed and the problem with me when I start doing heavy thinking, the grey matter up in my head simply doesn't know how to switch off!

Anyway, I once saw a quote that says "its lonely at the top".  How very true.  There are many times I feel I have the loneliest job and its getting tougher by the day.  Thats the reason I find solace in blogging as I found a way of expressing and letting out my thoughts as if I were in front of a shrink.  This of course is done without compromising my job as I know there are many "donts".  As a lawyer in the public service understanding the legal parameters is just something I cant ignore lest I be made accountable.

I used to think that I could gain enough strength, courage and confidence in my job by every experience that I have to go through in which I really stop to look fear in the face. I when confronted with difficult situations will always say, 'I have lived through more worse than this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along for sure.' I used to go to court.  I used to handle a lot of difficult situations, tough witnesses, tough defendants, tough defence lawyers and tough judges. I have dealt with robbers, gang rapists, thugs and thieves.  That experience in the courts actually had made me a person who can handle any given situation.

But now there are many times I am in a no-win situation. I say " damned if I do, condemned if I dont". If that happens I have little choice and most often than not, I have to do what I think is right not because I want to please anyone but because it is simply the right thing to do under the law. This is the exactly the point that makes me think and wonder on how long I will last in this job.  Investigating people with authority is never an easy job because these people can bite back and when they bite, I know they will bite hard.  They will use every means they know to bite back. 

Initially I got paranoid over this. For many months, I keep myself and my family away from virtually every people that we know except close families. I banned my kids from the internet, blogs, facebook or other social networking sites.  But soon I realise, they are only kids once.  To make them a responsible person is not to hide them from the rest of the world.  They have to lead a normal life. They have to learn to make their own mistakes because I know they will learn from them. I have to live a normal life.  To fight fear is not to hide from it. You have to face it. I want my children to live a normal life, meet their friends at the mall or the movies for as long as they are always responsible and respectful persons and mindful of the job that I have to do.   If I were hiding from the world, I must have done something wrong.  Wasnt it me who actually said, 'corruption and abuse of power is fearful of transparency'? so why should I hide? I once said that public officials will think twice of committing abuse of power if they know if they are constantly being watched and under continuous public scrutiny.  I certainly have to live up and practice what I preach. I know what the legal parameters are.  I know what the OSA says, I know what the PCA says.  I know what the Sedition Act says.  I know what the defamation laws say. I know what the General Order says.  So at the end come what may, it is my world according to stercus accidit!! (please google for its meaning) good night (or rather morning now)

Majlis Pertandingan Membaca Al-Quran Bahagian Dewasa Peringkat Akhir Kebangsaan Tahun 1430H/2009M

I am now at the ICC attending the annual tilawatil quran. We are expecting our Crown Prince to officiate the event. This annual quran reading competition is held to select the representatives in both the male and female category to represent this country at the annual international event that is normally held in Kuala Lumpur. The competition will run for 2 days culminating with the prize presentation. I am feeling very tired due to a lack of sleep. I have been working all day and night on a few projects. I am at the moment exploring the possibilty of using Facebook in our public outreach program. So far the responses have been very encouraging. Some of the comments and suggestions posted are very good. I will post an article on my official weblog anticorruptionwatch.blogspot.com on why we are pushing our cause on the newer technologies. But I simply would like to simply say this corruption is fearful of transparency because I know as a matter of fact that public officials will think twice of committing abuse of powers especially corruption if they know their actions are under the constant public scrutiny.
This post was made yesterday but somehow my nokia refused to send it.